Biff

Author: Bill Eddy
Editor: BookBaby
ISBN: 1936268795
Size: 10,42 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
Read: 537
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We live in an age of rapid change and instant communication. We also live in a Culture of Blame and Disrespect... Has anyone ever told you: “It’s all YOUR fault!” “You should be ashamed of yourself!” “You’re a disgrace to your _________________!” [family][community][country][team][profession][party][you fill in the blank] “What’s the matter with you? Are you crazy? Stupid? Immoral? Unethical? Evil?” And then were you told everything that’s “wrong” with you and how you should behave? It’s Not About You! Let’s face it. Most of us have said something like this when we “lost it” – hopefully not too often. But some people communicate this way a lot! It’s helpful to know that their personal attacks are not about you. They are about the blamer’s inability to control himself and solve problems. When people repeatedly use personal attacks, I think of them as “high-conflict people” (HCPs), because they lack skills for dealing well with conflict. Instead of sharing responsibility for solving problems, they repeatedly lose it and increase conflict by making it intensely personal and taking no responsibility. They are the most difficult people, because they are preoccupied with blaming others – what I call their “targets of blame” – which may include you! They speak Blamespeak: Attack, defend – and attack again. I wrote this book to help you respond to anyone who tries to engage you with hostile emails, texts, Facebook postings, vicious rumors or just plain difficult behavior. But before I explain how to write a BIFF response, I want to give you a brief understanding of how HCPs think. To deal with them successfully requires a shift in how you think about them - so that you know what not to do, as well as what to do. Your BIFF responses will be better if you know this. HCPs have a repeated pattern of aggressive behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. It may be part of their personalities – how they automatically and unconsciously think, feel and behave – and they carry this pattern with them. They tend to have a lot of: - All-or-nothing thinking (one person is all good, another is all bad) - Unmanaged emotions (exaggerated anger, fear, sadness – out of proportion to events) - Extreme behavior (yelling, hitting, lying, spreading rumors, impulsive actions, etc.) - Preoccupation with blaming others (people close to them or people in authority) To HCPs, it seems normal and necessary to intensely blame others. They can’t restrain themselves, even though their blaming may harm themselves as well. When problems and conflicts arise, instead of looking for solutions, HCPs look for someone to blame. They think that it must be all your fault or else it might appear to be all their fault – and they can’t cope with that possibility for psychological reasons. They become preoccupied with blaming others in order to escape being blamed themselves. But you can’t point this out to them, because they become even more defensive. To HCPs, conflict often feels like a life or death struggle. They feel that their survival is at stake, so that they often show unmanaged emotions and extreme behaviors – even in routine conflicts or under normal pressures. You don’t need to figure out whether someone is a high-conflict person. If you suspect someone is an HCP, just respond more carefully and understand that the person may have less self-control than you do. BIFF responses are a good method for coping with HCPs – and you can use them with anyone!

High Conflict People In Legal Disputes

Author: Bill Eddy
Editor: BookBaby
ISBN: 1936268752
Size: 12,78 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Docs
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People with high conflict personalities (HCPs) clog our courts as plaintiffs with inappropriate claims against their personal "targets of blame," and as defendants who have harmed others and need to be stopped. Everybody knows someone with a High Conflict Personality. "How can he be so unreasonable?" "Why does she keep fighting? Can't she see how destructive she is?" "Can you believe they're going to court over ______?" Some HCPs are more difficult than others, but they tend to share a similar preoccupation with blame that drives them into one dispute after another—and keeps everyone perplexed about how to deal with them. Using case examples and an analysis of the general litigation and negotiation behaviors of HCPs, this book helps make sense of the fears that drive people to file lawsuits and complaints. It provides insight for containing their behavior while managing and/or resolving their disputes. Characteristics of the five "high-conflict" personality disorders are explored: Borderline Narcissistic Histrionic Paranoid Antisocial Bill Eddy is a lawyer, therapist, mediator, and President of the High Conflict Institute. He developed the "High Conflict Personality" theory and is an international expert on the subject. He is a Certified Family Law Specialist and Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center. He has taught at the University of San Diego School of Law, is on the part-time faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law and the National Judicial College, and lectures at Monash University in Australia.

It S All Your Fault

Author: William A. Eddy
Editor: Unhooked Books
ISBN: 1936268027
Size: 14,23 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Docs
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Explains in easy-to-understand terminology, the behaviors of people with personality disorders or with traits, particularly blaming, irrational and impulsive behaviors.

Splitting

Author: Randi Kreger
Editor: New Harbinger Publications
ISBN: 9781608824724
Size: 12,48 MB
Format: PDF, Mobi
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Protect Yourself from Manipulation, False Accusations, and Abuse Divorce is difficult under the best of circumstances. When your spouse has borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or is manipulative, divorcing can be especially complicated. While people with these tendencies may initially appear convincing and even charming to lawyers and judges, you know better—many of these “persuasive blamers” leverage false accusations, attempt to manipulate others, launch verbal and physical attacks, and do everything they can to get their way. Splitting is your legal and psychological guide to safely navigating a high-conflict divorce from an unpredictable spouse. Written by Bill Eddy, a family lawyer, therapist, and divorce mediator, and Randi Kreger, coauthor of the BPD classic Stop Walking on Eggshells, this book includes all of the critical information you need to work through the process of divorce in an emotionally balanced, productive way. Turn to this guide to help you: Predict what your spouse may do or say in court Take control of your case with assertiveness and strategic thinking Choose a lawyer who understands your case Learn how e-mails and social networking can be used against you

Managing High Conflict People In Court

Author: Bill Eddy
Editor: Unhooked Books
ISBN: 1936268019
Size: 20,17 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Docs
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This book is designed for judicial officers to use in managing people with high conflict personalities in any courtroom, with an emphasis on family court litigants. This easy-to-read booklet provides judicial officers with accurate and authoritative information about the subject matters covered. It describes general principles and suggestions for judicial officers to immediately put into practice.

Don T Alienate The Kids

Author: Bill Eddy
Editor: BookBaby
ISBN: 1936268485
Size: 18,81 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
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Don't Alienate the Kids! is a fresh examination of the child alienation problem from the perspective of a lawyer/therapist/mediator, who also trains judges on managing high-conflict disputes. Author Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., doesn't just analyze the debate (Parental Alienation Syndrome vs. Child Abuse Presumption); he also proposes his own theory of "1000 Little Bricks," based on recent breakthroughs in brain research about how children learn. In his theory, there are no bad parents, just bad behaviors - the behaviors of both parents, family members, friends and divorce professionals. Most of these bad behaviors go unrecognized in daily life, but they help build a Wall of Alienation between a parent and child. By becoming aware and using his tips, we can all help children build a Foundation of Resilience which will last them a lifetime. By becoming aware and using his tips, we can all help children build a Foundation of Resilience which will last them a lifetime. This is a book for any parent even considering a divorce, and for any professional who wants to truly help parents raise resilient children. Bill Eddy's other books include: High Conflict People in Legal Disputes, It's All Your Fault!, Managing High Conflict People in Court, BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns. He is also developed the New Ways for Families method for handling high-conflict custody disputes.

5 Types Of People Who Can Ruin Your Life

Author: Bill Eddy
Editor: Penguin
ISBN: 0143131362
Size: 12,37 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Mobi
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Some difficult people aren't just hard to deal with--they're dangerous. Do you know someone whose moods swing wildly? Do they act unreasonably suspicious or antagonistic? Do they blame others for their own problems? When a high-conflict person has one of five common personality disorders--borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic--they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And once an HCP decides to target you, they're hard to shake. But there are ways to protect yourself. Using empathy-driven conflict management techniques, Bill Eddy, a lawyer and therapist with extensive mediation experience, will teach you to: - Spot warning signs of the five high-conflict personalities in others and in yourself. - Manage relationships with HCPs at work and in your private life. - Safely avoid or end dangerous and stressful interactions with HCPs. Filled with expert advice and real-life anecdotes, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life is an essential guide to helping you escape negative relationships, build healthy connections, and safeguard your reputation and personal life in the process. And if you have a high-conflict personality, this book will help you help yourself.

Dating Radar

Author: Bill Eddy
Editor: BookBaby
ISBN: 1936268132
Size: 14,25 MB
Format: PDF
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Why do so many of us commit to the wrong person – sometimes more than once? While most believe that attraction and compatibility are the keys to relationship success, in reality these are red flags in 15-20% of the population. When it comes to love, the brain is irrational and short-sighted. We make decisions based on incomplete information, biased understanding, and strong emotion. Love truly is blind. That's why you need dating radar—it gives you a way to detect hazards you might otherwise miss by recognizing: 1. Warning signs of certain personalities that can spell relationship danger 2. Ways they can jam your radar (deceive you) 3. Where your own blind spots might be Attorney, mediator, and social worker Bill Eddy and relationship expert Megan Hunter equip readers to see through the blinding haze of new love and spot potential toxic relationships before it’s too late!

The Future Of Family Court

Author: Bill Eddy LCSW Esq
Editor: BookBaby
ISBN: 1936268507
Size: 18,82 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Docs
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The Future of Family Court is designed for judicial officers with an emphasis on applying lessons learned from the field of mental health to the family court system, especially when working with parents with personality disorders or traits. Written from Bill Eddy’s perspective as a family lawyer and mental health professional, and as a trainer of judges in managing high-conflict people in court, he provides tips on what individual judges can do, rather than recommending sweeping changes in the court system or creating new players in the decision-making process. The court is in a good position to prevent child stress from the start or to reduce it by mandating efforts for positive change by their parents – from ordering parenting programs and classes, to setting limits on emotional attacks during the hearing process. Judges who apply the principles described in this book should feel a much better sense of control over their courtrooms and less stress, as the families are doing more of the work, practicing conflict resolution skills that will help them raise their children out of court, or showing each other’s patterns of behavior to more accurately see what needs attention and protective orders.

We Can Work It Out

Author: Marshall Rosenberg
Editor: PuddleDancer Press
ISBN: 1934336084
Size: 12,82 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
Read: 378
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The tenets of "Nonviolent Communication" are applied to a variety of settings, including the classroom and the home, in these booklets on how to resolve conflict peacefully. Illustrative exercises, sample stories, and role-playing activities offer the opportunity for self-evaluation, discovery, and application. Applying the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process to conflict resolution inspires peaceful collaboration by focusing on the unmet needs that lie at the root of any given conflict. Practical techniques help mediators and participants to find the heart of the conflict and use genuine cooperation to reach resolutions that meet everyone's needs.