Don T Forget To Sing In The Lifeboats

Author: Kathryn Petras
Editor: Workman Publishing
ISBN: 0761163298
Size: 11,39 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Docs
Read: 318
Download

Uncommon times call for uncommon wisdom. It’s inspiring to hear from people who’ve graduated from the school of hard knocks, yet kept a sense of humor. People like Twain, Voltaire, Oscar Wilde. People who've said the thing so well that we all wish we'd said it. People who've been there, done that, and refuse to sugarcoat what they've learned. People who know, as Sherry Hochman puts it, that "Every day is a gift—even if it sucks." From Kathryn and Ross petras, curators of craziness (and surprising smarts), comes a timely collection of reassuring reality: "Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?"—John Barrymore "October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February." —Mark Twain "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much."—Mother Teresa "When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes."—Dylan Thomas "If you think you have it tough, read history books."—Bill Maher And Voltaire: "Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats."

Here Speeching American

Author: Kathryn Petras
Editor: Villard
ISBN: 1588364291
Size: 14,86 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
Read: 440
Download

THE STRANGEST (AND FUNNIEST) TRAVEL GUIDE YOU’LL EVER READ The celebrated authors of the perennial bestseller The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said set the typical travel guide squarely on its head–taking you from the airport to the hotel, from sightseeing to dining out–by using 100 percent real examples of fractured English as spoken and posted abroad: • Feel like shopping? We have no good things to sell. –shop sign, Lovina Beach, Bali • Feeling sick? Are you haunted by the horribles? Do you run after your own nose? –Japanese medical form • Wondering what to wear? A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers. –in a French hotel brochure • Wondering where to eat? Grill and Roast your clients! Open for lunch, dinner and Sunday Brunch. –slogan of the Hibiscus restaurant in the Jakarta Hilton International But don’t take our word for it, come see for yourself. And if that’s too much to ask, remember the sage advice from the staff of a Taipei hotel: “If there is anything we can do to assist and help you, please do not contact us.”

Unusually Stupid Politicians

Author: Kathryn Petras
Editor: Villard
ISBN: 0307498506
Size: 14,29 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
Read: 281
Download

Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras, bestselling authors of the scathingly funny Unusually Stupid Americans and Unusually Stupid Celebrities, now set their bipartisan sights on the hallowed halls of the United States government. Unusually Stupid Politicians exposes the mind-boggling but true political mishaps, missteps, and miscues that have even the savviest spin doctors shaking their heads and saying “No comment.” Sections include • Extreme Hairsplitting–such as when Florida governor Jeb Bush, after being accused of hiding in a closet from rampaging Democrats, denied the allegation completely, stating that “it was actually a boiler room” • Brilliant and Innovative Ideas from The Pentagon– like their groundbreaking "Gay Bomb," their "Bad Breath Inducing" halitosis weapon and their plans to enlist The Three Stooges in the fight against terror. • Creative Political Excuses——such as “I just discovered I’m Jewish and it’s a Holy Day,”——used by Senator George Allen, who, after learning of his Jewish heritage, got out of a Senate hearing to “observe” Yom Kippur • The Most Egregiously Large Political Egos–measured in standard Chuck Schumer Ego Units (CSEUs) This hilarious and eye-opening exposé gives awards for “How I Blew My Campaign” and “Worst Campaign Ad,” and shares a list of candidates “endorsed by God,” as well as a list of those who lost because of Satan. So turn off C-SPAN and quit text-messaging congressional pages–you’re about to learn what the definition of “is” is. From the Trade Paperback edition.

Unusually Stupid Celebrities

Author: Kathryn Petras
Editor: Villard
ISBN: 0307498492
Size: 14,85 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
Read: 720
Download

The Greeks honored Zeus, the Romans revered Juno, but modern civilization worships a different sort of god: Celebrity. Face it, we follow the stars’ every move, fashion choice, and deliciously dishy affairs. Now Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras, authors of Unusually Stupid Americans, pull the demanding divas, screwball stars, and celebu-twits off their pedestals–and prove it doesn’t take a degree in rocket science to become famous. Cases in point: • Courtney Love misses an important court date relating to “possession of a controlled substance” because she can’t find a professional bodyguard at the last minute. • Mariah Carey’s entourage includes a skirt-from-touching-floor specialist, a towel hand-off person, and a professional drink holder/lifter. • Savvy traveler Paris Hilton concludes that all of Europe is, “like, French.” • Mensa candidate and rocker Tommy Lee is pretty sure that Winston Churchill was president during the Civil War, that the numeric equivalent of pi is “the two-equals-MC-squared thing,” and that an isosceles triangle is “somewhere in Bermuda.” Feuds, faith, family, money, sex, tantrums, travel–no star-studded stone is left unturned. Filled with jaw-dropping anecdotes, quirky quotes, and special stupid-celebrity awards, Unusually Stupid Celebrities provides a red-faced glimpse of the red carpet. From the Trade Paperback edition.

When Youth Fades

Author: Lillian Rhoades
Editor: AuthorHouse
ISBN: 1438985118
Size: 15,54 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
Read: 623
Download

No one wants to grow old, but the longer you live, the older you get. Even without tell-tale wrinkles, you can't ignore the fact that the number of candles on the cake increases each year. Growing old doesn't mean giving up your future. Don't let the waning years make you abandon dreams or turn away from new challenges. When youth fades, that's the time to let old-age blossom. If you want to have fulfillment and purpose now that you have reached retirement age, take a journey through the lives of nine long-ago senior citizens to discover what it takes. Read about their secrets and successes, difficulties and setbacks and learn from selected golden oldies of biblical history how to survive growing old

Jobs 1996

Author: Kathryn Petras
Editor: Touchstone
ISBN: 9780684815916
Size: 16,82 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Docs
Read: 502
Download

The most comprehensive, up-to-date reference guide on employment opportunities in every part of the country includes job trends, the outlook for specific occupations for the coming year, and on-target advice and suggestions for minority, female or disabled job seekers. The Petras provide the most reliable and useful information available for people seeking jobs at any level.

776 Stupidest Things Ever Said

Author: Ross Petras
Editor: Main Street Books
ISBN: 0307764621
Size: 20,67 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
Read: 760
Download

A connoisseur's compendium of Freudian slips, spoonerisms, double-talk, and utter bosh from famous and infamous figures past and present -- a complete course in anti-eloquence by the foot-in-mouth champions of all time. From the Trade Paperback edition.

The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done

Author: Ross Petras
Editor: Main Street Books
ISBN: 0307799360
Size: 18,65 MB
Format: PDF, Mobi
Read: 657
Download

*Too lazy to drive to his girlfriend's house, a man ties helium balloons to a lawn chair--and ends up at 15,000 feet, closing the L. A. airport. *A Chinese contraception program causes the birth rate to rise when men are discovered taking birth control pills and unrolling condoms over their fingers--exactly as shown in the training film. *A gang of Norwegian thieves carefully uses explosives to open a safe--only to find the safe is filled with dynamite. . . In the national bestseller The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said--over 200,000 copies in print--Ross and Kathryn Petras immortalized idiotic utterances by public figures and average citizens alike. But what about the doers out there, the people who didn't stop at speaking, but went right out and did something stupid instead? It's time to give credit where credit is due. The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done is a hilarious collection of inane incidents, senseless stunts, farcical feats, and utterly asinine activities from throughout history, and around the globe. From Sam Goldwyn to Walter Mondale, Albert Einstein to Fabio, the board of General Motors to British Parliament, this comic compendium chronicles the stupidest acts, ideas, decisions, inventions, songs, and ad campaigns that the mind of modern man has been able to devise. The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done is a non-stop barrage of belly laughs, conclusive proof that actions speak louder--and funnier--than words. From the Trade Paperback edition.

Let S Stop Killing Our Children

Author: Philip S. Chua MD FACS FPCS
Editor: Xlibris Corporation
ISBN: 1462877559
Size: 20,49 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
Read: 369
Download

Book Review Author Advocates Healthy Lifestyle and Disease Prevention to start from the Womb and dieting to begin in the Crib New Health Book, written in easy-to-understand laymans term, provides thought-provoking and valuable health reference designed to change lives of individuals and society as a whole through good pre-emptive and proactive social initiatives and more responsible parenting for healthy lifestyle and disease prevention, which the cardiac surgeon author says must start in the womb and safe dieting should begin in the crib, to maximize their full potential in achieving their goals. XLIBRIS - (PRWEB) August 29, 2011 What is the best strategy to prevent diseases? Cardiac Surgeon Emeritus in Northwest Indiana Dr. Philip S. Chua attempts to provide resolution to this issue as he presents Lets Stop Killing Our Children, a valuable, inspiring, and innovative 794-page health guide that focuses on disease prevention starting from ground zero, and highlights the fundamental obligation parents and society have in teaching children how to life a healthy lifestyle by setting good examples early on. This revolutionary concept puts the onus squarely on society, parents and guardians of young children, who are totally at the mercy of society and of these adults, whose good or bad examples, habits and behaviors will inevitably be emulated by the children. It is in the first five formative years of the children and up to age 12 when instilling proper discipline and behavioral modification are most effective, states this heart surgeon. Almost all diseases known to man are self-induced and are, therefore, preventableMost of us seemed to have unwittingly programmed our mindset and behavior to a self-destruct and slow-suicide modethis negative surrender and fatalistic attitude are what this book aims to change, Dr. Chua critically pointed out in his book. An international health advocate and writer, Dr. Philip S. Chua, in this book of information, philosophy and principles, poses this great challenge to society as a whole in his belief that most diseases known to man are self-induced through self-abuse. It is important that both society as a whole and parents play their essential role of doing what is right for the children, way before age 5 to save these young lives from avoidable morbidity and premature death as they grow to middle age and beyond. After all, says Dr. Chua, the race does not start in the middle. The author points out that autopsy findings on children, as young as 4-5 who were victims of accidents, already had evidence of arteriosclerosis (hardening of their arteries) which we see in adultswe must be doing something wrong. "Are we losing the war on diseases because we are starting late and lagging far behind in this race?" ponders the cardiac surgeon. Dr. Chua, in his book, strongly suggests for parents and society as a whole to practice this novel pre-emptive and proactive health concept even before conception to achieve a healthier family, a healthier citizenry, and thus a healthier nation. "Since, we have not really significantly succeeded in our war against many diseases over the past half a century, the medical community and society as a whole need to seriously re-evaluate of our current conventional strategy in dealing with health and disease prevention, if we are to contain, if not eradicate, the common diseases afflicting man around the world today, including hypertension, obesity, diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and even cancer," admonishes the author. This pre-emptive health strategy could forever change the role of parents and society in our quest for health, well-being, happiness, and longevity. This challenging and stimulating coffee-table book of wisdom is a must-read. Every home deserves one.

On Board The Titanic

Author: Logan Marshall
Editor: Courier Corporation
ISBN: 0486134504
Size: 16,67 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
Read: 311
Download

Based on the survivors' own stories, this dramatic history stands as the most authoritative account, ranging from the Titanic's construction to the tragic aftermath of its sinking. 43 illustrations.