Funniest Thing You Never Said 2

Autore: Rosemarie Jarski
Editore: Random House
ISBN: 1407079026
Grandezza: 61,59 MB
Formato: PDF, Mobi
Vista: 1246

The bestselling, blockbusting, bumper book of humorous quotations rides back into town with 6,000 more hilariously funny quotes. From times past to the modern day, classic funnies to contemporary wit, The Funniest Thing You Never Said 2 delivers an unbeatable selection of fantastic and hilarious quotes on every subject under the sun. Featuring topics as diverse as celebrity to religion, and including a cast of quotees ranging from Oscar Wilde to Homer Simpson, there's something here for everyone with a sense of humour. 'I am willing to love all mankind, except an American.' - Samuel Johnson 'Glastonbury was very wet and muddy. There was trench foot, dysentery, peaches ... all the Geldof daughters.' - Sean Lock 'Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people.' - Richard Nixon 'I've had more women than most people have noses.' - Steve Martin 'I have the simplest tastes. I'm always satisfied with the best.' - Oscar Wilde 'Well, it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.' - Homer Simpson 'All I know is I'm not a Marxist.' - Karl Marx 'I'm the pink sheep of the family.' - Alexander McQueen

Dim Wit

Autore: Rosemarie Jarski
Editore: Random House
ISBN: 0091924502
Grandezza: 34,60 MB
Formato: PDF, ePub, Docs
Vista: 4676

'They misunderestimated me' George W. Bush Einstein said only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity. So in deference to the dumbing down of our culture, comes Dim Wit - a collection of the most jaw-droppingly stupid things ever said. The cast includes every famous foot-in-mouther from George W Bush to Prince Philip, Paris Hilton to Jade Goody, not to mention hundreds of unsung idiots plucked from villages the world over. The result is a confederacy of dunces more pro-fun than profound - a clever witticism may coax an inward smile but it takes a really stupid remark to deliver a belly laugh. So pick up Dim Wit and prepare to embrace your inner moron - it may be the smartest thing you do... 'My grandma overheard two women talking in a doctor's surgery. After a while, one said to the other, "Do you know, Mary, I don't feel too well. I think I'll go home."' - Robyn Jankel 'I don't think anyone should write his autobiography until after he's dead.' - Samuel Goldwyn 'Winston Churchill? Wasn't he the first black President of America? There's a statue of him near me - that's black.' - Danielle Lloyd

A Kiss

Autore: Rosemarie Jarski
ISBN: 9780671886875
Grandezza: 78,48 MB
Formato: PDF
Vista: 315

A collection of illustrations, photographs, poetry, and literature celebrates the kiss.

The Funniest Things Ever Said New And Expanded

Autore: Steven Price
Editore: Rowman & Littlefield
ISBN: 1493041207
Grandezza: 73,48 MB
Formato: PDF, Mobi
Vista: 3962

Here are1,237 laugh-out-loud quotes, quips, and jokes, all in one packed-to-the-brim volume. Yes, folks, sit back and enjoy this collection of inadvertent gaffes, thigh-slappers, puns, and everything and anything else that'll tickle your funny bone. There’s something old, something new, something stolen, and something blue—from favorite comedians, sports and political figures, and literary wits. There are even giggles for the kids and groaners for the grown-ups. Just a few among the 1,237 funniest things ever said: “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”—Rita Rudner “I don’t know if it’s good for baseball, but it sure beats the hell out of rooming with Phil Rizzuto.”—Yogi Berra on being told that Joe DiMaggio was to marry Marilyn Monroe “I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.”—Malcolm Forbes “The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then, after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’”—Bill Maher

The Sensible Girl S Guide To Emigrating Elegantly

Autore: Sally Corner
Editore: Bloomsbury Publishing
ISBN: 1408138840
Grandezza: 62,12 MB
Formato: PDF
Vista: 9825

385,000 people left the UK in 2007 for a new life overseas, and women in their 20s and 30s were one of the biggest groups among them. In this book, Sally Corner passes on tips and advice for women on the move, based on her own experience of moving from London to Perth, the most remote city on earth. While dealing helpfully with the practicalities of emigration, The Sensible Girl's Guide to Emigrating Elegantly also focuses on the highly emotional mental journey that women experience when starting a new life overseas. Sally's lively and down-to-earth tone will inspire confidence in the readers whilst encouraging and amusing them with check lists, quizzes, questionnaires, and illustrations. Divided into two sections, the book looks at life before and after emigration. The opening chapters will help readers work out whether taking the plunge really is for them. If so, the rest of the book will lead them elegantly through everything they need to know to make life in their new country a great success.

A Company Of Three

Autore: Varley O'Connor
Editore: Algonquin Books
ISBN: 1565126882
Grandezza: 54,17 MB
Formato: PDF, Docs
Vista: 2552

“An old-fashioned novel . . . Elegantly wrought, hard-headed and tenderhearted about the world of actors and theater” (Michael Chabon, Pulitzer Prize–winning author). When Robert, Patrick, and Irene met in New York City in the late 1970s, they were all determined to become actors, and it felt as if the city—or even the world—could be their oyster. Robert was the good-looking, ambitious one. Patrick was tall, ungainly, but naturally dramatic. And Irene, a former rodeo star out of Kansas, was the beautiful ingenue. They were young, talented, and passionate, and they soon became inseparable. But their careers don’t all head in the same direction, and as their lives change course, friendships are tested—and they all face decisions that could undo them. A Company of Three features “a fascinating set of characters, who rely on and push each other away in equal measure, and their struggles are sure to engage readers, especially those interested in the cutthroat world of acting” (Booklist). “O’Connor’s clean, affecting prose and her book’s moving conclusion will stay with readers long after the curtain drops.” —Publishers Weekly

The Sixth William

Autore: John Neely Davis
Editore: AuthorHouse
ISBN: 1467040290
Grandezza: 63,59 MB
Formato: PDF, Kindle
Vista: 9536

In an Alaskan bar, Creighton Roane watches a TV news story about multiple, gruesome murders that have occurred in a mountainous region of Tennessee. He is stunned when he recognizes the murder scene as the Findhorn River and the rugged Arn plateau, his childhood home. Memories stirred by the newscast develop into recurring nightmares as Creighton becomes aware of his own needs to see the mountains of his childhood and of reconciliation with his father. But the Findhorn valley hides whiskey-making murderous clans and revenge killings that span generations. An ancient stone fort sitting on the Arn plateau houses its own mystery of the massacre of the moon-eyed people and of the mentally unstable killer who gives his victims an amulet for their trip to the hereafter. Wrapped around all this is the gut-churning rapids of the Findhorn and the effect it has on those challenging its treacherous waters.

The Illustrated Wrinklies Wit Wisdom

ISBN: 9781853756078
Grandezza: 69,85 MB
Formato: PDF, ePub, Docs
Vista: 9384

'As you read it you think it can't get any better...but it does. A real feast.' - Barry Cryer 'We can all recognise ourselves in Wrinklies' Wit & Wisdom. Read it, enjoy it, and have a good laugh.' - June Whitfield Old is the new young! Grey is the new black! Rocking chairs are the new rock 'n' roll! Saga-louts are the new lager-louts! This sparkling collection of wrinklie wit and wisdom is proof-positive that the stereotypes of knitting grannies and doddering granddads just aren't true anymore - if, indeed, they ever were. Senior citizens are not going gentle into that good night. They're still out there, living life to the full, taking on new challenges and showing us how to grow old disgracefully. It's all in here: life, love, the universe, and Viagra. Coffin-dodgers will find lots of laughs, inspiration and 'Yes, that's me!' moments, and whippersnappers who are still some way off the free bus-pass can pick up lots of valuable tips on how to cope when the inevitable happens. Because as Maurice Chevalier said, 'Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.'

The News Of The World Stories

Autore: Ron Carlson
Editore: W. W. Norton & Company
ISBN: 0393245411
Grandezza: 66,95 MB
Formato: PDF, ePub
Vista: 844

These stories come at us from every direction. They are Ron Carlson's response to the eighties, the stories we will want by our sides as the decade ends. Whether it is a husband trying to bring his marriage back together or Bigfoot finally coming forward, Carlson's characters speak with radical honesty that is disarming. They are the men and women all around us who open the refrigerator at two in the morning and see the faces of missing children on the milk carton. The world is a large dose sometimes, and they wonder whether they can measure up to its danger and its magic.

Some Of The Funniest Things Happen In The Most Unlikely And Unexpected Places

Autore: Glenn Martin
Editore: iUniverse
ISBN: 0595345506
Grandezza: 76,45 MB
Formato: PDF, ePub, Docs
Vista: 3002

This collection of stories was written for only one purpose-to make you laugh! These stories are not aimed at your mind, but at your funny bone. They are not supposed to make you smarter or wiser, but might keep you from taking yourself and life too seriously. When enjoying these stories, you may venture into restaurants or churches, attend weddings or funerals, and spend some time in the Army. And you may meet people who did not intend to be funny, but did funny things. These stories should put a smile on your face, and a chuckle in your voice. And if you laugh out loud, that would be okay, too. Laughter is not only good for your health, but it also does wonders for your spirit and your soul.

Sloppy Firsts

Autore: Megan McCafferty
Editore: Broadway Books
ISBN: 0676806643
Grandezza: 59,85 MB
Formato: PDF, Docs
Vista: 9246

The first book in the New York Times bestselling Jessica Darling series When her best friend, Hope Weaver, moves away from Pineville, New Jersey, hyperobservant sixteen-year-old Jessica Darling is devastated. A fish out of water at school and a stranger at home, Jessica feels more lost than ever now that the only person with whom she could really communicate has gone. How is she supposed to deal with the boy- and shopping-crazy girls at school, her dad’s obsession with her track meets, her mother salivating over big sister Bethany’s lavish wedding, and her nonexistent love life? A fresh, funny, utterly compelling novel, Sloppy Firsts is an insightful, true-to-life look at Jessica’s predicament as she embarks on another year of teenage torment. From the dark days of Hope’s departure through her months as a type-A personality turned insomniac to her completely mixed-up feelings about Marcus Flutie, the intelligent and mysterious “Dreg” who works his way into her heart, this poignant, hilarious novel is sure to appeal to readers who are still going through it, as well as those who are grateful that they don’t have to go back and grow up all over again. “A hilarious trip down memory lane. You’ll laugh out loud–and cringe–as this first novel by McCafferty takes you back to the soap opera that was high school.”—Glamour

Where The Hell Is Podunk Texas

Autore: Jay Grady
Editore: Bayou City Publishing
ISBN: 9780974508818
Grandezza: 49,35 MB
Formato: PDF, Mobi
Vista: 5385

A nostalgic look at an East Houston community that for over sixty years has been referred to as "Podunk," and the story of a record-setting basketball game played by the "Podunk Skunks" on March 9, 1948.

Return To Alcatraz

Autore: Tina Westbrook
Editore: Trafford Publishing
ISBN: 142694358X
Grandezza: 74,48 MB
Formato: PDF, Mobi
Vista: 6574

For many years, C.J. has led a double life. In one life, he masquerades as a dedicated husband to his wife, Diana, and loving father to his children, Isabella and Chuck. In his other life, he is a womanizing drug addict. And, for a few years, he lived with his wife on Alcatraz Island. In this sequel to Letters from Alcatraz, Diana has died. C.J. returns to San Francisco and Alcatraz Island with Tina Westbrook, a woman from Alabama with whom he has shared his deepest and darkest secrets through a series of yearlong letters. For Tina, C.J. is a charismatic man who has changed her life. Alcatraz brought them togetherbut their return to Alcatraz may tear them apart. When C.J. returns forty years after his first visit to Alcatraz, he finds himself facing his suppressed past. With those memories restored and reignited, he must make the ultimate decision: remain a prisoner of the past, or release himself to an uncertain future.

12th Of Never

Autore: James Patterson
Editore: Random House
ISBN: 1448108527
Grandezza: 32,58 MB
Formato: PDF, Mobi
Vista: 5622

The no. 1 bestselling 12th novel in the Women’s Murder Club series A LETHAL PREDICTION Detective Lindsay Boxer is stunned when an eccentric professor walks into her homicide department to report a murder. The catch is that the murder hasn’t happened yet – but when it does, the professor’s prophecy is correct in every detail... A KILLER’S RESURRECTION Meanwhile, a serial killer wakes from a two-year coma. He says he’s ready to reveal where the bodies are buried – but Lindsay suspects he has a much more sinister scheme in mind. A DETECTIVE’S NIGHTMARE As Lindsay investigates, she’s pushed to breaking point – and she finds herself faced with the possibility of the most devastating loss of her life... CAN SHE SAVE HER FUTURE?

A Little Death

Autore: Laura Wilson
Editore: Hachette UK
ISBN: 178087944X
Grandezza: 66,53 MB
Formato: PDF
Vista: 630

Shortlisted for the Anthony Award for Best Paperback Original and the CWA Ellis Peters Award for Historical Crime Fiction. London, 1955. Three bodies are found in a house - but when the police search for the murder weapon, vital evidence is destroyed. One of the victims is former society beauty Georgina Gresham, prime suspect in the notorious murder of her husband, James, almost thirty years earlier. Beside her lie the bodies of her brother Edmund and housekeeper Ada. But there is a link with the past. In the 1890s, in a beautiful garden, three children played together. Their lives were secure, their future certain - until the youngest child was found with fatal head injuries...

The Children Shall Be Blameless

Autore: W. Jack Savage
Editore: Xlibris Corporation
ISBN: 1477111522
Grandezza: 12,52 MB
Formato: PDF, ePub
Vista: 9609

Some men seem to have all the luck. Others dream of only finding a little. Richard Smiths world was the orphanage. It was the only one he knew. All of the other worlds for children, of mothers and fathers and a place called home, he learned from the tears of those who had lost theirs only to wind up in his. From the way they grieved, he knew it must have been something pretty great. Once he had two sisters, they said. One had died and the other went to a place called Iowa with an uncle. He was left behind. He grew up to put most of it behind him and in his search for a family of his own, thought that he had. But an electrical shock opened some door to his early childhood he couldnt seem to get closed again. Each discovery posed more questions until finally there was only one other person he needed to see. It would be a three-day road trip, or so he thought

The More I See You

Autore: Lynn Kurland
Editore: Penguin
ISBN: 1101658320
Grandezza: 38,57 MB
Formato: PDF, Mobi
Vista: 8329

A wish upon a star transports the luckless-in-love Jessica Blakely back in time to the thirteenth century. But her desire for a fair and gallant knight yields the fearsome Richard De Galtres. And it will take her tender touch--and stubborn will--to pierce his armor-clad heart...

Tales From Sales

Autore: Myka Allen-Johnson
Editore: Xlibris Corporation
ISBN: 1479775746
Grandezza: 14,96 MB
Formato: PDF, Mobi
Vista: 7037

Ten years ago, I quit the drama of teaching to become a Realtor. In the last ten years, Ive seen chickens and goats raised inside of a home, Ive rolled down a hill with a broken ankle, sold homes to a really bad mime and a Russian mail order bride, talked with psychic appraisers with transmitters in their ankles, had a sales partner abducted by aliens, nearly died twice, peed my pants several times, witnessed my partner crap her pants and had the ghost of Elvis Presley unzip my sleeping bag at a slumber party. YesI bought one of Elvis Presleys homes! This is just a taste of the most outrageous and hilarious stories inside this book. The true stories of home sales are by far stranger than fiction! No one can make this up.

Tommy Lasorda

Autore: Colin Gunderson
Editore: Triumph Books
ISBN: 1633191583
Grandezza: 37,50 MB
Formato: PDF, Docs
Vista: 2251

Tommy Lasorda believed that winning wasn't about being the best, but about believing you are the best and that philosophy runs throughout Tommy Lasorda: My Way. Author Colin Gunderson takes readers through Lasorda's days as a player and the manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers, including their two World Series Championships in 1981 and 1988. It also provides fans with a peek at what makes Lasorda tick: his relationship with his father, Sabatino, whom he emulated; his childhood growing up in Norristown, Pennsylvania, working odd jobs; and his unfailing work ethic. That work ethic helped him become one of baseball's most successful managers as he won the World Series twice, won four National League pennants and eight division titles with the Dodgers. In this book, fans will recall some of their favorite Lasorda anecdotes, and will also be privy to new information and rich background on this national baseball treasure, including memories from an All-Star roster of Dodgers stars.